My husband put his “Disabled Veteran” license plate on his car today. It struck me as such an odd thing. For twenty-one years, I’ve been a Navy wife. I don’t like all the trappings that come with that phrase, but I can’t escape the fact that it’s a huge part of my identity.
Then, under the full moon of Halloween, that changed. My husband retired from the Navy, and now I’m — for the first time in my adult life — not a Navy wife. I’m a veteran’s wife. I suppose in many ways that not much will change for our lives. He still goes to work, though no longer in a flight suit, and I still sit in the living room to help the kids log into their school, and we all hope COVID dies down soon.
At the same time, that full moon on Halloween felt ominous because the transition is scary and spooky in some ways. How will I meet new people? Will I get bored of living in the same place for so long? Will we still get along if he doesn’t leave sometimes? (I kid about this one, mostly.) This transition from military spouse to civilian was inauspicious this year with no retirement party or celebration due to COVID. Yet we are still stepping into the next phase of our lives, and that is an odd and unsettling feeling.
We hadn’t been married for three years yet when the terrorist attacks on 9/11 happened and he deployed for the first time. His ship was in New York Harbor, and he left for work that morning and didn’t come back until the next spring. At that time, nobody joined a wartime military, and nobody has joined a military at peace ever since.
Talking and negotiating are always better than fighting. Investing in diplomacy is just as important as investing in military strength.
One of the many lessons I’ve learned on the other side is how important it is to invest in foreign relations and diplomacy across the world. Talking and negotiating are always better than fighting. Investing in diplomacy is just as important as investing in military strength.
Over the past 21 years, I’ve seen too many people go to war and not return. I’ve seen their spouses have to figure out a new normal without their life partner. I have friends who’ve had to navigate being a working parent to young children when their spouse deploys – then add the role of caretaker to their resume when they’ve returned home with an injury, visible or invisible. Too often I’ve seen families left in chaos after their spouse loses the battle with PTSD. We’ve been lucky to have avoided most of those things, but it really is luck. I’ve come out on the other side wiser, but also very tired.
As military and veteran spouses, we have a better understanding of how war impacts our military members better than just about anybody else. We understand the impact of war and we understand the toll that military life can take on everybody in our community. However, we often don’t understand the importance of our vote, or the way we can use our voices to make a difference politically.
As military and veteran spouses, we have a better understanding of how war impacts our military members better than just about anybody else. We understand the impact of war and we understand the toll that military life can take on everybody in our community.
The Secure Families Initiative was founded by a military spouse with the goal of making sure that military and veteran spouses DO use their vote and their voices to advocate for diplomacy-first foreign policy. It is exciting to me as I exit the role of military life to know that there is an organization that is dedicated to making sure that our community is using their political voices and votes to make a difference in the matters that impact us most.
There is a reason that Veterans Day is set on the anniversary of the end of the First World War. Celebrating veterans comes with the responsibility of ending wars and foreign conflicts. Because of that mandate, I’ve been thrilled to volunteer with SFI for almost a year now, and I’m so excited to see the impact they are making in our communities.
I hope as you are exploring your end-of-year giving, you consider a donation to the Secure Families Initiative. Your money will be going toward making sure that military spouses are empowered to vote and to have a role in the politics that govern so much about their lives.
By Erin Thomas Anhalt. Erin spent over twenty years as a Navy spouse, is a current veteran’s spouse, mother of three and social media consultant.